And we're back!
Justin updates his journal.
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, September 2016
Justin’s Journal:
It’s been a while since I’ve updated, but I’ve been so busy. No, seriously, I really have. Taking care of Brian, making sure he eats, goes to his appointments, and doesn’t over-do things takes up a lot of my day, plus I’ve been working on the new ‘Rage’ comic, and doing as much of my Kinnetik work as I can from home. Oh, and cleaning up the loft, shopping, keeping track of Gus at his new school, and talking to my mom at least once a day.
Brian is looking over my shoulder. He says don’t forget to put that I need to service his cock as often as possible. Yeah, that’s a full-time job in itself.
After the picnic at Deb’s things seemed to settle down a lot. A good thing, since that’s what Brian needs right now – peace, quiet, and things to be on an even keel.
Of course, Brian being Brian and everyone else in our lives being who they are, things aren’t completely quiet, but it’s been better. And especially Gus has been better. Gus and Brian. They’re talking every day on the phone and texting, too. I remember when Brian told me he’d rather have his tongue glued to a lesbian’s twat than text, but… I guess I should call Lindsay and have her come down here with some Crazy Glue! Ha!
And speaking of Lindsay – she called to let us know that Mavis is having TWINS! Gulp! I mean, twins! Both girls. Brian just started laughing like a mad man when she told him and said, “I guess Gus won’t be moving back to Toronto any time soon!” And Lindsay burst into tears. Then she asked Brian for more money! I cannot believe that he still sends her money when Gus isn’t even living there, but it’s true. And now they need more because Mavis can’t work and apparently she was the only one actually making any money.
“You’re not going to send them more, are you?”
Brian shrugged. “What the fuck can I do? She’s Gus’s mother. They know I have the cash…”
“And they aren’t shy about asking for it, obviously.”
“No problem,” Brian said dismissively. “It’s only money. And if it will keep them off my back, it’s worth it.”
Of course, when Gus heard the news – from Brian and not Lindsay! – he totally freaked out. And I knew he was boiling because he also knew they asked for more money – and that Brian would give it to them!
“When I wanted money for St. James, he refused! But for their evil spawn… I don’t get it!”
We were sitting in the Liberty Diner today, where Gus is the newest busboy on the after-school shift.
“That was never about the money,” I pointed out. “It was about St. James Academy.”
“I know,” Gus sighed.
“Besides, you like the new school.”
“Yeah, I do. I didn’t think I would, but I do.”
And, amazingly, it’s true. He was put in the Honors Stream and he tried out and got on the soccer team. He’s also talking about going out for baseball and track in the spring. He’s an athlete, for sure, just like Brian was.
“Public school not so horrible after all?”
“No, it’s pretty okay.”
“Hey! Busboy!” The woman who took over after Kiki left was standing with her hands on her hips. She’s a tough and no-nonsense dyke who runs the diner like the Army, which figures since she spent 20 years as a sergeant in boot camp. “I got tables that need to be cleared over here!”
“I’m coming, Sheila!” said Gus. “Sorry, I have to get busy.”
“I understand.” And I do. It’s so funny to see Gus running around in his apron, with his little nametag, just like I did. And he’s pretty good at deflecting the grabby hands of the customers – and doing it without being a jerk. He’ll do well.
“Oh,” Gus added as he went by with his wet rag. “I think I want to try out for the fall play, too. They’re doing ‘The Man Who Came to Dinner.’ Somebody said I might get a part.”
The play? That’s a new one. “Who said?”
And then Gus blushed. “Just some girl,” he mumbled.
Just some girl! Here we go. The weird and wild world of teenage hetero dating! I knew it was coming, but I guess I didn’t think it would be so soon. But… he’s now 16, so…
Gus is 16. It seems impossible.
Brian and I gave him cash in a birthday card on the actual day and we took him out to dinner at his favorite hibachi restaurant – he loves it when they toss the food around. Yeah, I admit that I enjoy it, too. But Deb, as usual is planning a big surprise party. She won’t even tell us when it is because she thinks Brian will ruin the surprise.
“I’m not a fucking idiot!” Brian told Michael. “I’m not going to spill it. Even though I think surprise parties are compete and utter bullshit.”
“I know,” said Michael. “That’s why you threw me one.”
“Well, we all know how that turned out,” Brian sniffed.
“Asshole!” Michael laughed.
I wonder whatever happened to Dr. Dave? And his son – Hank? Right, Hank. Maybe Michael talks to him on Facebook, like I talk to Ethan and a couple of my other exes. But somehow I don’t see Dr. Dave as the Facebook type. Like Brian, who is definitely NOT the Facebook type!
The whole Gus living with Debbie and Carl scheme is working out well. The one thing Gus has always been missing is grandparents – the lovely Mrs. Kinney and Lindsay’s homophobic parents hardly fill that bill – but Deb and Carl are perfect for that. Hunter, who is the closest thing Deb has to a grandson, and her granddaughter Jenny Rebecca, along with Carl’s grandchildren, don’t live in town, so Gus is great for them to alternately spoil and discipline. And although Gus complains about living with the ‘Oldies’ as he calls them, he really loves them.
Carmel is still in California, staying in the house on Creekside Canyon. She seems happy to be out of the Pitts. She was always so befuddled here and it’s so far from her family and friends it was hard for her. But she can’t live in that house forever all by herself. Which means that eventually Brian has to decide what he wants to do now that he’s getting better. I know he hates that rental house in Point Breeze, but I also know he has no plans to go back and live in Los Angeles. He’s talked to Ted about his options and Ted, being the practical guy, recommended that Brian sell the house in L.A.
I know Brian is torn about that.
The house on Creekside Canyon is Ron’s house. It belongs to Brian now, but he still calls it ‘Ron’s House.’ And although it’s just sitting there, he feels that if he sells it, he’s getting rid of the life he had out there with Ron.
“It’s only a house,” says Ted.
“It’s only a house,” says Dr. Deutsch.
“It’s only a house,” says Dr. Alex Wilder, who Brian is seeing again for therapy.
But I know better. It’s more than a house to Brian. It’s his old life.
But that life is over forever.
“How do you feel about it?” asked Dr. Katzman. That’s Dr. Joyce Katzman. She’s my therapist. Yup, I’m taking the plunge. So far, so… okay.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do, Justin,” she said. “Don’t block.”
“I don’t want Brian to go back to California, but I also understand why he wants to hang onto that house. All the memories… And Gus grew up there, too.”
“You grew up in a house. But your mother sold it when your parents divorced. Do you miss that house? Do you wish your mother had held onto it?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t miss it. But… that was different.”
“How so? It’s a place to live. Brian doesn’t seem to have a nostalgic connection to his childhood home. Doesn’t his mother still live there?”
“Yes, but if you knew his mother… if you knew the bad memories connected with growing up there.”
“In other words, he’s moved on. You’ve moved on. You have a new life. A life together. New memories to make.”
“I know.”
“Are you that afraid that Gus will be upset?”
That’s the question. But Gus doesn’t talk about going back to Los Angeles anymore. I really have no idea how he’d feel if Brian sold the house. Maybe he really wouldn’t care. Teenagers are pretty adaptable. I know I was.
“So what would you do if he did sell that house?”
I bit my lip, thinking. “We wouldn’t live in the rental, that’s for sure. It’s not horrible, but it’s not our kind of house. Maybe we’d buy a new house. Or build one. One where we could all live together and have a fresh start.”
Dr. Katzman nodded. “That seems like a good idea. But I’d advise not pushing your partner about it, at least not while he’s still vulnerable.”
“Don’t worry! I know better than that.”
It would be nice. A house of our own. And not a fucking white elephant like the house in West Virginia. That was a real mistake. Something modern. Clean. Bright. New. That’s what Brian likes.
I think I’d like it, too. And so would Gus.
“Take it slowly, Justin,” said Dr. Katzman. “You know what it feels like to be pushed.”
“I do. And Brian hates being pushed in the best of times, let alone when he’s still healing.”
“Exactly.”
Dr. Katzman is a pretty smart lady. I feel comfortable talking to her. I guess therapy isn’t so bad after all.
When I got up to leave the diner I put down a nice tip, even though I only had coffee. After being a waiter for so long, I always leave a good tip.
“See you!” I called to Gus. He was busy carrying a big tray full of dirty dishes back to the kitchen. One thing about working at the diner, you definitely get a workout.
“Bye, Justin!” he said. “Don’t forget to leave next Friday night open.”
I frowned. “What’s next Friday?”
Gus laughed. “My surprise birthday party, of course! You think Debbie and Carl and Michael AND Emmett, who’s planning the whole thing, can keep a secret? Duh!”
So typical! Gus is just like Brian in so many ways. He’s much wiser than he lets on.
“Oh, and… Deb doesn’t know it yet, but I’m inviting… someone. Don’t say anything or she’ll have Carl take me down to the police station and hook me up to a lie detector to get all the details.”
“Is this someone a girl? Who likes to be in plays?” Hey, I’m not so dumb, either!
“Maybe,” said Gus. “But don’t make a big deal about it, okay?”
“Okay. I promise not to make a big deal.”
“And don’t tell Dad or he’s going to want to… you know… have ‘The Talk’ with me. But Ron gave me that talk when I was 13 and I don’t need another. Especially not one that involves… lube. Or poppers!”
“Don’t forget a bucketful of condoms, too,” I remind him.
Gus cringes. “Please! Don’t say anything else! Maybe this sex stuff is more trouble than it’s worth.”
That cracked me up! Gus is pretty funny when he’s not being an obnoxious teenager.
Besides, Gus is too young to be worrying about sex. I hope.
Brian’s making horny noises, so I’ll sign off for now.
Until then…
